Celebrating life stories...

Memories

 

Memorial created 06-14-2008 by
Audrey Hogarth
Cole and Breanna Hogarth
May 3 2008 - May 4 2008

 

 

 

 

A Pair of Shoes

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.

Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.

I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.

To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.

I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some women ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.

No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.

I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

Author Unknown

 

 


 

 

Back, many years ago, in the summer of 1990, I travelled to Israel.  It was an amazing journey that I obviously did not fully appreciate because I was only 17.  But one thing I remember doing quite vividly was planting a tree there in honour of my future children.  It seems so odd that I would do that because I wasn't ever really keen on having children.  That is until I met Dug and realized that I would do anything to have his children and be a family.

I really consider it a miracle (of modern medicine if nothing else) that I was even able to get pregnant and give birth to my sweet angels.  It was a journey and an experience that I will never forget.  I wish above all else that Cole and Breanna could be with us here on earth but they will always be with me in my heart. 

The little sappling I planted in Israel so many years ago by now has grown so big and has it's roots firmly attached to the soil of my heritage.  So to is my love for my children.  Cole and Breanna are an important part of our family tree that will never be forgotten. 


 

 

The Grieving Mother

To those who say to get on with my life, I have.
It is a different life, the life of a grieving mother.
One with a tremendous amount to be thankful for,
but also one with a lot to mourn the loss of!
Do not judge the bereaved mother.
She comes in many forms.
She is breathing, but she is dying.
She may look young, but inside she has become ancient.
She smiles, but her heart sobs.
She walks, she talks, she cooks,
she cleans, she works, she IS,
but she IS NOT, all at once.
She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.
Do not dismiss us: we have shaped more than just the future generation.
We have released all the tiny angels who are watching over you.
Open your eyes to US, and you just might see THEM.

Author Unknown


 

 

Ask My Mum How She Is

 

My mum, she tells a lot of lies
She never did before.
From now until the day she dies,
She'll tell a whole lot more.

She used to tell the truth a lot,
But now it doesn't matter,
I died and went to heaven,
Her life is all in tatters.

Ask my mum how she is,
And because she can't explain,
She will tell a little lie
Because she can't describe the pain

Ask my mum how she is,
She'll say "I'm alright"
If that's the truth then tell me,
Why does she cry each night?

Ask my mum how she is,
She seems to cope so well
She didn't have a choice you see,
nor the strength to yell.

You think you know the feeling,
But this, it cannot be,
For even though you loved me,
You didn't love as much as she.

She will smile and tell you,
"It's ok, God, he has a plan".
But she will turn away and cry,
Cause she just can't understand.

Tell a joke and she will laugh,
But she is not ok
She wants to share the joke with me,
But it will not be today.

Some day you will feel better
"Yes I will" she lies.
She knows this will not happen,
Until the day she dies.

Ask my mum how she is,
She'll say, "thank you, good "
She cannot tell you how she feels,
Oh I wish she could.

Ask my mum how she is
"I'm fine, I'm well, I'm coping".
For God's sake mum, just tell the truth,
Just say your heart is broken.

Ask my mum how she is,
"I'm well, I'm good, and you?"
I'll shake my head in heaven
It simply isn't true.

She'll love me all her life,
I loved her all of mine.
But if you ask her how she is,
She'll lie and say she's fine.

I am here in heaven
I cannot hug from here
If she lies to you don't listen
Hug her and hold her near.

On the day we meet again
We'll smile and I'll be bold
I'll say, "you're lucky to get in here, Mom
With all the lies you told!"

Author Unknown


 

 

My Precious One...

Where did you go my precious one, why did you leave so soon ?
I thought I took great care of you whilst you grew in my womb.
I tried to be so careful, I wanted you so much,
To watch my tummy grow and grow then finally feel your touch.
To smell your newborn baby's scent and hold your tiny hand,
To rock you tightly in my arms and tell you all I'd planned.
There was so much we had to do, much love I had to give,
I'm sure that you'd have loved me to, if only you had lived.
Oh precious one, now you're not here, how can I carry on ?
When will the darkness fade away, when will I see the sun ?
My precious little baby, mummy's precious little one....

Author Unknown

 

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